WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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