Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
