did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
