Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
