i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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