I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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