This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
