Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
