I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I intend to get homeless drunk
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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