she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
