Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
