You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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