Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
