hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
