shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
