Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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