So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
