she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
40s are totally the cure
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
