I'm going to jail i love you
I think my fart just growled at me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
