dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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