My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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