that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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