my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
