I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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