I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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