I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
