Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
