I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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