There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize