dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
