I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
