A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
