My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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