perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
