No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She's the barista slut.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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