I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
