1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
