I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
