My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I have already put on my inside pants.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
