I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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