well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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