I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Randomize