So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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