4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
