so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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