Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
this hospital has no fireball
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
