I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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