the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
