our cab driver is having phone sex.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
