Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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