Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Every concussion has its silver lining
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Text me some of your sweat
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
