dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize