put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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