Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
