he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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