we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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