I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
