I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
