i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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