i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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