dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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