You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
