Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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