I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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