dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
