My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
