I hate your face
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
