Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
